


(don't know what I'd do)If I Lost You

by plsdontfightme



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Established Relationship, How Do I Tag, M/M, Phandom Christmas Fic Exchange, Phandom Fic Fests, Rating mostly for Dan's potty mouth, Rescue Missions, Worried Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 13:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17101058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plsdontfightme/pseuds/plsdontfightme
Summary: In which Dan and Phil are going on a rescue mission. Things do not go as planned.





	(don't know what I'd do)If I Lost You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [s0ph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/s0ph/gifts).



> This turned out way less apocalypse-y than I'd originally planned, but I hope it's still enjoyable!!
> 
> A HUGE thank you to my lovely beta reader, lilactreesinwinter (@phinalphantasy7 on tumblr), your work is so so very much appreciated!!!

It all starts with Hazel. Well, no, it all _really_ starts with a nuclear explosion and radiation exposure that gives about forty percent of the populous “gifts” that certain others decided were “dangerous” and needed to be “contained.” Most gifted either hide their abilities or live on the fringes of society. Others use their gifts acting as heroes, or villains, depending on what side you’re on; breaking other gifted out of containment, attempting to break the stigma against gifted people, even working as vigilantes in some areas. It was dangerous work, but it had to be done. At least, Dan and his friends felt that way.

Dan can’t remember the full story, he’s pretty sure Hazel had just been out on a supply run in the nearest town. No one quite knows exactly what happened, but, one way or the other, she’s been arrested and they have to go get her “before she burns the place down”, as Louise has been saying ever since. It’s a weak attempt at a joke, especially since they all saw the new power-dampening collars the government has released. They put together a small team, just PJ, to disable any alarms he can; Phil, so they can locate her quickly; and Dan, so none of them are spotted. Everyone expected it to be an easy rescue, if there is such a thing.

On their first attempt, though, they don’t even get into the building.

“I’ve got her,” Phil announces, eyes closed. He points off to his right, down a small hill to the facility a little way away. “She’s in the corner nearest us-”

“Southwest corner,” Dan interrupts with a small smile.

Phil opens his eyes, mirroring Dan’s smile. “Yeah, that,” he agrees. “Third floor, I think, but that’s as much as I can see for now.”

“Third floor?” PJ repeats, sounding vaguely annoyed. “We should have brought Tyler.”

“We’ll be fine,” Dan replies with a shrug. He gives Phil a quick peck on the lips before all three of them disappear. “Let’s go.”

They get about ten feet from the door before the first alarm sounds.

“What the hell!?” PJ exclaims.

“I don’t know, but we have to go back!” Dan shouts back.

Once they’ve made it back to PJ’s truck, they stop, all three breathing hard. As they shimmer back into view, Dan drops to the ground and begins dramatically wishing for death. Phil leans against the truck and tries unsuccessfully to hold back a breathless laugh; PJ, standing with his hands on his knees to keep from joining Dan on the ground, does no such thing.

“You’re fine, Dan,” PJ says, laughing at him outright, but still breathing hard. “But seriously; what _the hell?_ ”

Dan shakes his head, turning serious. “I’ve no idea,” he replies, starting to catch his breath. “They shouldn’t’ve known we were there.”

“Did you feel anything, Peej?” Phil asks, somehow the least out of breath among them.

It’s PJ’s turn to shake his head. “I’d need to touch the building. You?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Phil responds with a shrug. “I’m sure Louise’ll be able to figure it out, though.”

“Right.” PJ nods, straightening up and taking a quick look around. “We’d best be out of here by the time they think to search the grounds, just in case.”

On the ground, Dan doesn’t move. “Just leave me here to die. I’m never running anywhere ever again, it’s just too painful.”

Phil doesn’t bother trying to hold back his laughter this time.

\--

Once they get Dan into the truck, they really don’t have to drive far before they reach the old abandoned high school building they currently call home, and they find Louise waiting for them in her office. She doesn’t seem surprised when Hazel isn’t with them, just calmly asks what happened.

After Phil explains, she sighs. “They must have increased security after last time. You’re sure you didn’t pick up on anything, PJ?” She asks, turning towards him.

Once again, PJ shakes his head. “Like I said before,” he says, almost apologetic, “I’d need to touch the building itself or something connected to it.”

Louise just nods, deep in thought. The four of them sit for a while, trying to come up with a way to figure out what they’re dealing with and how to circumvent it. After about a week and a few more failed attempts, they eventually figure it out.

“Heat sensors.”

“Heat sensors?” Phil asks, surprised.

“Heat sensors,” Louise repeats. “Which means-”

“Which means I’m useless.”

“You’re not _useless_ , Dan-”

“In this particular situation, yeah, kinda am.”

“Not everyone is suited for every mission, you know that.”

“ _Phil_ seems to be,” Dan says hotly, gesturing in his general direction.

“Dan, that’s not fair, and you know it!”

“I don’t see why you still need to go. This has already proved to be far more dangerous than planned, I don’t want you anywhere near it, _especially_ if I can’t be there to-”

“You know why I need to go, they keep moving her, and I don’t need you to _protect_ me-”

“Boys! Enough! Dan, we need Phil on this and, at this point, you’ll just be a liability-”

“But-!”

“-that I don’t need!” Louise continues firmly. “You’ll stay, Phil will go, and that’s final.”

\--

Dan doesn’t say much the rest of the afternoon, but he puts on a good show for the others. Dan knows from the looks Phil is giving him that he doesn’t believe the “I’m-fine-this-is-fine” facade he’s putting on.

That night is more than a little tense between the two of them, and Dan spends an abnormally long time in the washroom before bed, to the point where Phil pokes his head in to check on him. He leans against the doorframe and waits for Dan to notice him. They make brief eye contact in the mirror as Dan finishes brushing his teeth. Neither of them say anything for a long moment before Phil sighs.

“Are you coming to bed?” he asks tiredly. When Dan looks away and says nothing, Phil continues, “Look, I know you don’t like this, but it’s happening and it’ll be over before you know it-”

“It won’t,” Dan interrupts quietly, still avoiding Phil’s eyes. “No matter how quickly you all do this, I’ll still be here and you’ll be there and I-” Dan pauses, wetting his lips and blinking rapidly. “I know I can’t stop you going, and that you don’t need me to protect you, but,” he finally looks up, meeting Phil’s eyes, “none of that stops me worrying. And I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

“Dan,” Phil says softly, taking his hands, “you’re not going to lose me. I’ll have PJ, and Tyler, and Mark, and Morgan; everything’s going to be fine, I swear.”

“I know.” Dan smiles, but it’s small and shaky and his eyes are still shining ever so slightly. When they finally do get to bed, Dan wraps himself around Phil and doesn’t let go until morning. Even after they get out of bed, Dan doesn’t let go of Phil’s hand until they’re standing by PJ’s rusty old truck with the others already waiting inside.

Phil leans in to give him a quick kiss before they go and Dan finally releases his hand; only to bring both hands up to cup his face for a slow, sweet kiss that Phil knows is just as much an I-love-you-please-be-careful as it is a stalling tactic.

“Oi!” PJ calls from the truck’s driver’s seat. “As much as I hate to break this up, we’ve got to go.”

They break apart just enough for Dan to whisper, “Be careful.”

“I will,” Phil whispers right back, gently taking Dan’s wrists and pulling his hands off his face and stepping away. “I’ll see you tonight; promise.”

As the truck drives away, Dan stands with Louise at the end of the drive with his arms wrapped around himself until he can’t see them anymore. “He’s going to be fine, Dan,” Louise reassures, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t know that,” he responds quietly, shrugging her hand off. “I have a bad feeling about this one, Louise.” He stares down the road for another long moment, then shimmers and disappears. And that’s the last anyone sees of him until they get back.

\--

When they do get back, it’s late; much later than they’d planned.

Louise meets them as they get out of the truck, Mark nursing a bloodied nose, Tyler cradling his right hand close to his chest with his knuckles scratched and bloodied like he’d hit something, PJ sporting a colorful bruise along his left cheekbone, Morgan with their arms wrapped around themself and a wet patch on the left side of their shirt, and Phil conspicuously missing from the group. Hazel climbs out last, looking thin and tired, the edges of her sleeves singed. No one but PJ will meet Louise’s eyes, and she can’t bring herself to ask.

A pained gasp sounds from a few feet away, and, as they all look up, Dan shimmers into view, looking stricken. “Where is he?” He asks, soft and shaky at first, but louder and stronger when no one will look him in the face. “Where _is_ _he!?_ ”

PJ looks pained as he looks up. “Dan-” he starts gently before he’s interrupted.

“I knew- I _fucking knew_ something like this would happen!” Dan’s hands are curled into tight balls at his sides and flickering in and out of visibility. “God, if you had just _listened to me!_ ”

Louise reaches out to him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder and saying, “Dan, calm down, we can-”

“ _Calm down?_ ” He pulls away from her sharply. “You expect me to- when he’s out there, with God knows what-”

“Dan.” Hazel’s voice is soft and a little hoarse from lack of use, but it’s enough to cause Dan to freeze. “He- He saved me. Pushed me out the door ahead of him as it was closing. I can’t-” she breaks off with a shaky breath before continuing, “I don’t know what to say.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at her for a long moment, his left arm still flickering.

“We’ll get him back, Dan,” PJ promises. “I swear to God, we’ll _get him back._ ”

Dan turns to PJ with a look on his face that speaks volumes as to how terrified he really is, though he would never say it aloud. “We have to,” he breathes before he flickers out of view altogether.

\--

Planning the rescue takes longer than Dan would like. He wants to go back immediately, but he can’t deny that the others need a chance to recover. They don’t leave until the next morning, and it is decided that Tyler will stay back, as his hand turns out to be broken upon further inspection. Dan doesn’t sleep much that night. The bed is too big and cold and empty without Phil in it. Every time he gets comfortable and starts to drift, he rolls over toward Phil’s side and pulls up short when he reaches nothing but cold blankets on the other, still made, half of the bed. He cannot stop thinking about the night before and Phil’s promises that everything would be okay, that _he_ would be okay.

When he finally does fall asleep, he is curled up on the edge of the bed with every last one of their blankets piled on top of him.

\--

He’s running down an empty corridor; it seems to get longer the further he goes.

Identical doors line the walls, and, occasionally, he tries to open one, but each one he tries is locked tight. There’s an alarm blaring, which means something’s gone wrong with PJ. Dan’s all by himself and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s missing something very obvious, but then a door towards the end of the corridor bursts open; for a heart-stopping moment, he thinks it’s Phil. 

Then PJ comes into view and Dan is momentarily disappointed before he notices PJ’s condition, the look of incredible pain on his face, the way his right arm is wrapped around his torso, and how heavily he favors his right leg.

“Peej!” Dan calls, but his voice sounds slightly muffled. He absently realizes that the alarm doesn’t sound as clear as it should, either, but PJ responds before he can truly grasp the thought.

“Dan,” PJ gasps, looking almost surprised to see him before a look of urgency returns to his eyes. “We have to go, come on!”

Dan starts to follow him down the hall before he sees where PJ is headed: a door with a big red exit sign above it. “Wait,” he says, stopping short a few feet from the door, “what about Phil? We have to find him first.” Leaning heavily against the wall, PJ gives him a sad, almost pitying look and, for the first time, Dan notices blood on PJ’s arms and hands. “No,” he whispers, shaking his head, his breath coming in shallow gasps.

“I tried to help him, Dan, I did.” PJ looks truly sorry as he says it, and he starts to move as if to comfort him before falling back into the wall with a grimace. “He was just too badly hurt and I couldn’t- I couldn’t save him. I’m so, _so_ sorry,” he finishes, his voice barely above a whisper.

“No,” Dan whispers again, tears welling in his eyes. He keeps shaking his head as if maybe that will help him catch his breath. “No, no-”

\--

“No!” He sits up sharply, wrenching himself out of the dream and, coincidentally, the bed. After hitting the floor, he lays on his back dejectedly for a moment, half hoping Phil will peek his head over the edge of the bed and ask him what he’s doing on the floor. What he wouldn’t give to see Phil’s sleep-mussed hair, to watch him fumble for his glasses and put them on upside down in an effort to make him laugh, his tongue just slightly poking out between his teeth.

It takes longer than Dan would probably like to admit, but he eventually pulls himself up off the floor. He feels a bit like a robot, going through the motions of showering, brushing his teeth, and finding clothes. As he makes his way out of his room- _their_ room, because Phil is not _gone_ , he just isn’t _here,_ \- he belatedly realizes that he’s pulled on one of Phil’s jumpers, the light grey one with little foxes scattered across the fabric. For a moment, he just looks at the foxes on the sleeve and thinks he should go change, but he finds he doesn’t have the energy. So, he pulls the sleeves over his thumbs and keeps going.

“Good morning, Dan,” Louise greets him with a forced kind of cheeriness as he walks into the breakfast area, waving him over to her table with Morgan and PJ. He offers a weak smile as he sits down next to her and stares down at the piece of toast PJ puts in front of him. “You have to eat, love,” Louise continues, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Nodding, Dan picks up the toast and takes a bite, chewing mechanically. “When do we leave?” he asks quietly after a few bites.

“As soon as Mark’s up and ready,” PJ responds, pushing a glass of orange juice in front of Dan, who sends him a questioning look when he notices. PJ just gives him a pointed look that quite clearly says “You have to drink that.”

“Have we figured out how we’re going to find him?” Dan looks to Louise as he picks up the orange juice.

“Our working plan is to have Mark ask the first person you run into,” Louise says, looking vaguely apologetic.

Dan shrugs. “It’s better than nothing.” He pretends not to notice the concerned look shared between PJ and Louise. Normally, Dan wants to have a solid plan, complete with numbered steps and clear instructions; Phil usually takes the we’ll-figure-it-out-when-we-get-there approach. Dan knows he should care about the lack of a plan and doesn’t quite know why he can’t find it in himself _to_ care. Dimly, he recognizes the heavy weight of depression creeping its way back into his chest and clawing at the edges of his consciousness; he can see a full on depressive episode on the horizon and knows he can’t fight it. Only Phil can. Phil always chased the darkness away. 

By the time Mark makes his way to the table, Dan has made his way through two pieces of toast and a glass of orange juice. He has a sneaking suspicion PJ told Mark to wait until Dan had eaten, but he doesn’t comment on it. After Mark arrives, it doesn’t take long before they are ready to leave, and the car ride passes in a bit of a blur for Dan. It seems like, all of a sudden, he finds himself standing at the top of the same hill he, Phil, and PJ had been on not two weeks ago. He stares down at the building, knowing Phil is in there somewhere, determined not to go home without him.

“I hate this part,” PJ grumbles as Morgan takes his hand. “No offense, Morgan,” he adds quickly when Morgan raises an eyebrow at him. A slight smirk crosses their lips and the air around them starts to chill. Dew on the grass under their feet freezes and crackles, and PJ shivers. The two of them start towards the building and Dan suddenly understands. To beat heat sensors, you need cold. Morgan’s body temperature is already low enough that they don’t register on the heat sensors, and they just need to lower PJ’s until he gets close enough to touch the building. It’s a good plan, Dan thinks as he watches them, PJ turning slightly blue now. Morgan lets go of his hand as soon as PJ has a hand on the building, and he breathes a sigh of relief as warmth surrounds him again. He beckons the others once he’s sure the alarms and everything else are turned off.

“There’s a lot here,” PJ comments as they pass him. “I can’t hold it off forever. Be quick about it, yeah?” Mark gives PJ a small smile and a nod before he, Dan, and Morgan continue on into the building, the latter two flickering out of view in the doorway.

The interior looks eerily similar to Dan’s dream and it sends a chill down his spine. Long, blank looking corridors stretching in either direction causes the lack of a plan to suddenly come crashing down on him. Where do they even begin? PJ is right, he can’t hold that forever, but how can they expect to find Phil quickly in all this? He sees his fingers flickering in and out of visibility out of the corner of his eye and focuses on steadying himself, hating that he needs to.

Apparently, Mark sees it too, because he says “We’ll be okay, Dan.” And, because it’s Mark, Dan believes him. “Let’s go right,” he adds once Dan’s hand stops flickering.

After what feels like hours going down the same corridor, they run into a small woman wearing a lab coat and carrying a clipboard as she exits a room. She comes up short when she spots Mark, speechless at the sight of him.

“Hi!” Mark greets her, his voice bright and cheery. “Would you tell me where they’re keeping the prisoner they brought in yesterday?”

“Uh, sure,” she responds quickly. “He’s just upstairs, detention room A.”

“Can you show me?” Mark asks sweetly, almost sounding apologetic, and Dan is hit with the realization that he would show Mark anything if he asked. Even though this happens any time Mark asks anything and Dan knows Mark would never use his gifts against him, it still scares him that Mark has that kind of power over people. The woman agrees just as quickly as before and leads them up the stairwell and down the second floor corridor, even going so far as to grab Mark’s hand as they leave the stairwell. She glances back when the door from the stairwell doesn’t shut immediately behind them, but Mark easily distracts her with something Dan doesn’t actually hear, his heart pounding in his ears.

Because now they’ve stopped outside yet another unmarked door and the woman is saying something else, but Phil is on the other side of that door; Dan can’t focus on anything else. After she turns toward the door, fumbling with her key card, Morgan nudges Dan’s arm. For a long second, Dan wonders how Morgan knew where he was, but, as he turns to look behind him, he realizes they’re both completely visible. They both disappear before the woman turns back, and Dan breathes a sigh of relief.

“Hey!” A voice comes from the end of the hall, and Dan tenses. He knows Morgan does too, because the air temperature drops a few degrees. He wants to tell them to calm down before it gives them away, but the temperature regulates pretty quickly without Dan having to say anything. He looks down the corridor and sees a male security guard coming towards them. The guard doesn’t look overly concerned, just excited, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off the spot Morgan had been standing a few moments ago. Dan had no way of knowing if they were still standing there, but at least they can’t be seen now; the guard doesn’t have any proof they were ever really there.

The woman rolls her eyes, but a small smile settles on her lips and a light blush spreads over her cheeks. “That’s just Kyle,” she tells Mark in a low tone before continuing so Kyle can hear her. “What’s up, Kyle? Seeing ghosts again?”

“It was right behind you, I swear!” Kyle insists as he comes up beside her. “Did you feel a cold spot?”

“Now you mention it,” she starts, frowning a little, “there was a bit of a chill for a second.”

Kyle grins like he won the lottery. “Are you willing to go on record with Isaac on that?”

“I don’t know,” she responds thoughtfully, her eyes sparkling with mischief, “why should I?”

“Because I get fifty credits out of it?” Kyle suggests. When she just raises an eyebrow in response, he sighs and adds, “Fine, I’ll split it with you. Happy?”

“Very.” She grins at him for a long moment before Mark clears his throat.

When they both look up at him, he smiles and says, “Why don’t you two go collect your winnings? I’ll be fine right here.”

Kyle hesitates, but the woman releases Mark’s hand and grabs Kyle’s, jumping up and down a little bit. “Come on, he’ll be fine! Let’s go tell Isaac!” And that’s all it takes to get her and Kyle to rush off down the hallway.

After they get a little farther away, Dan notices that the lanyard for the woman’s keycard is still hanging around her neck. “Mark,” Dan hisses, trying to get his attention, but he’s fiddling with the door.

The lock beeps and Mark holds up the keycard proudly. “I unclipped it,” he whispers, sounding incredibly, adorably, proud of himself.

Dan, however, had stopped listening as soon as the door began to swing open to reveal Phil sitting cross-legged in the far corner of the room, an uncomfortable looking collar around his neck. He’d looked up when the door opened, a mildly surprised expression on his face that Dan barely registers as he rushes in to hug him. He’s still invisible when he gets to him, so Phil isn’t quite prepared for over six feet of Daniel Howell to come crashing into him. But then Dan shimmers into view and kisses him like both their lives depend on it.

“Dan,” Mark says from the doorway, sounding fondly exasperated, “we need to go. Oh, and hi, Phil.”

Dan pulls back and nods, standing and helping Phil up off the floor. “Hi,” he says, not letting go of Phil’s hand.

“Hi,” Phil responds, squeezing his hand. “Hi, Mark, Morgan,” he adds, looking past Dan into the hall, and they both smile and give a small wave in return.

It doesn’t take them long to make their way outside. Sweat rests on PJ’s brow and he looks incredibly relieved to see them. “Hey, Phil,” he says a little breathlessly.

“Hi, PJ,” Phil says as they pass, smiling. He laughs a little as Dan pulls him away from the building, still gripping his hand. “I’m not going anywhere, you know,” he says.

Pausing at the top of the hill and turning to face him, Dan pulls Phil closer to him. “Not without me, you’re not,” he whispers before kissing him again.

Before Dan really realizes it, they’re back at the truck and PJ is trying to convince him to let go of Phil for two seconds so he can get the collar off. Reluctantly, Dan steps away, keeping their hands firmly clasped, but still farther from Phil than he really wants to be. As soon as PJ finishes, he latches himself onto Phil’s arm again. PJ rolls his eyes a little and tells them to get in the truck. 

Neither of them say much on the trip home, just enjoying each other's presence and listening to Mark tell PJ about everything that happened. When they get back, Louise takes one look at the pair of them and tells them to go back to their room, that she’ll see them in the morning. Dan sends her a grateful smile as he again pulls Phil along behind him. When they do get back to their room, he pushes Phil back onto the bed and climbs on top of him. 

Phil just smiles and looks up at him for a moment before saying “You’re wearing my jumper.” When Dan just rolls his eyes a little and huffs, he adds “I cannot believe you; I’m not even gone for a full day and you’re already stealing my clothes. It’s outrageous.” 

Dan’s eyes are shining again, but in a good way this time. “Stop it,” he mutters, moving off of Phil and curling into his side, resting his head on Phil’s chest. 

“Stop what?” Phil asks innocently. “I’m just pointing out the facts.” Dan nudges his side a little in annoyance, then sits up immediately when Phil lets out a small, pained noise.

“You’re hurt,” he states, his tone accusatory. “Why didn’t you tell me? We have to get you down to the infirmary; Jesus, that should have been the first thing we did, what was I _thinking?_ ” He was already moving to get off the bed when Phil grabbed his arm. He paused, looking back at his boyfriend.

“This is why I didn’t tell you,” Phil says, waving his free hand in Dan’s general direction. “It’s just a bruise, I’ll be fine.” Dan opens his mouth to protest, but Phil continues quickly. “We can go in the morning, promise. Right now though- right now, I just want to stay here, with you. Can we do that?”

For a moment, Dan looks like he wants to protest, but he quickly caves in and slides back into bed. “You are _never_ going on a mission without me again,” Dan tells him seriously as he lays his head on Phil’s chest again. “ _Ever._ ”

And this time, Phil doesn’t argue. 


End file.
